The Dinosaurs on a Spaceship Drinking Game

 

 

Miles Hamer drinks to dinosaurs. On a Spaceship.

 

The Rules:

 

Take a gulp when:

 

The TARDIS takes off/lands

Doctor and/or crew's identity queried

Psychic paper used

Sonic Screwdriver used

Deadlock Seal

Regulars incarcerated

Companion screams

Historical figure introduced

Onscreen death

Fisticuffs

Catchphrase (eg. Exterminate)

Gun/laser fire

"Run!"

Self-sacrifice saves the day

CSO fringing

Technobabble

Title of the adventure is mentioned

The Doctor uses a pithy putdown

Oops! Continuity, prop or dialogue malfunction

Soliloquy of the villainy

Smooching

"Doctor Who?"

Mention of Gallifrey and/or Doctor's family (except Susan)

Explosion!

 

Finish your drink when:

 

The baddies are defeated

A companion is introduced

A companion leaves/dies

The Doctor regenerates

00:00

As it's a Chibnall, I've already sunk a Carlsberg to calm my nerves.

 

00:15

Swig for ancient Egyptian hottie, Queen Nefertiti! Apparently, she's a historical figure, but I've never heard of her. Shockingly, I got an A in GCSE History.

 

00:18

They were probably much easier in my day. Plus, I was educated in Devon; provided you didn't eat the grass or fuck your sister, you were pretty much guaranteed academic success of some description.

 

00:19

Just kidding fellow Devonians! (We all know that's much more of a Cornish thing anyway).

 

00:20

Psychic paper.

 

2:00

Hurrah, it's Rory's Dad! Or, as I will always think of him, Dave Lister's Danish drunk mate - Peterson off've Red Dwarf.

 

02:21

TARDIS materialising. Chug for that.

 

04:50

The Doctor orders a healthy dose of "Run!" Drink to that.

 

5:00

Mouthful for an episode title mention, as The Doctor announces the adventure into the opening titles. Hmm, nice to get a bit more beer and all, but what with him bellowing "Doctor Who!" at the end of last week's episode, is this starting an escalating trend of knowing dialogue credit references? If he's declaring the Key Grips or Best Boy by week 5, we'll know we're in trouble.

 

07:30

Swig for the sonic.

 

08:20

Love Rory's Christmas list line.

 

08:22

Less so The Doctor's.

 

12:38

Another "Run!" from Pterodactyls. Being able to write that is amazing.

 

12:40

Yeah, I know – Primeval.

 

14:05

The Chuckle Brothers

"Woah, Chuckle Brothers," says Amy. A friend and I once wrote a gently mocking letter* to the Chuckle Brothers, claiming to be massive fans who grew mullets and painted on our own moustaches to celebrate Chuckle wherever we went. Against expectation, Paul Chuckle replied, correcting his brother's name (Barry, not Gary), but freely admitting his likeness to Sammy Davis Jr. He even mentioned "blacking up" (which we definitely hadn't), and included a signed 6" x 4" print. Felt a bit ashamed of my irreverence, to be honest.

 

*using the pseudonyms Trev Ruby and Pete "the Panther" Panther

 

14:10

I have since seen the Chuckle Brothers live three times. Think that's enough penance?

 

15:30

The camp robots are taking the boys to be incarcerated. That's worth a gulp.

 

17:00

"Take us to your leader!" That's a genre catchphrase/cliché, so worth a small sup.

 

21:30

Ooh, gunfire. Peterson off've Red Dwarf goes down.

 

21:35

That's in the wounded, rather than, sexual sense. Though this is a Chibnall, so who knows?

 

24:00

The Doctor's ID is queried by a magic scan. That's enough for me.

 

27:45

Good Gryffindor, there's gunfire by the Godzilla-load. Constant chugging.

 

30:00

Tooling up and knob jokes. Sorry, is this Torchwood?

 

32:30

Two consecutive swigs to gunfire and death (of a Triceratops. Hey, it counts, alright?). That Solomon's a proper bastard, innit? Preferred him in Game of Thrones mind, but purely because he got to use the word 'squirted' in reference to his knob.

 

34:00

A noble self-sacrifice! Well, she's not exactly saving the day, so not quite in the rules, but enough for a sly slurp.

 

34:38

Woah there, is that a rape reference? Crikey. Solomon's a sod and a half. Certain sections of fandom insisted that the villain sharing a name with a famous Jewish King is anti-Semitic, which is just absurd. My young son has a Hebrew name, but it doesn't mean I'm implying that all Jewish people shit their pants and cry themselves to sleep, does it?

 

35:30

Slug for the sonic.

 

36:45

Peterson off've Red Dwarf

This "same gene" cobblers involving Rory and his Dad, Peterson off've Red Dwarf, is pure technobabble, so knock some more back for that. Unusually, I'm doing this in the company of a participating audience who keep reminding me when we need to heed the rules.

 

36:50

Which is handy because, against all expectations, I'm REALLY ENJOYING THIS.

 

37:20

The sonic, again.

 

39:10

Gunfire! Effing loads of it.

 

39:30

Seriously, this thing packs more heat than an entire series of The A-Team.

 

40:00

The A-Team? Yep, nice modern reference for the kids there.

 

40:25

Sneaky 2001 joke.

 

40:55

Hmm, The Doctor going for a bit of murdery-wurdery. Not sure what to make of that.

 

42:13

Explosion! Death! (Presumably) Baddie defeated! (Definitely) Down drinks!

 

43:25

A Cup of tea

Peterson off've Red Dwarf's cuppa on the TARDIS as it floats over the Earth is simply beautiful.

 

43:30

The notion of Riddell and Nefertiti doing the nasty with each other far less…

 

U.N.I.Ts consumed: 6.6

 

Verdict:

Fast-paced, breezy and fun, Dinosaurs on a Spaceship is everything that the wretched Hungry Earth/Cold Blood isn't. It's not as slurpsome as anticipated, but a grin-inducing crowd pleaser nonetheless, and best enjoyed in the company of similarly booze-minded individuals out to relish the sillier side of Who's modern offerings. With just three pints sunk by the time the credits roll, it's perhaps best used as an alcohol entrée, an appetizer to, say, some other Who adventure which features some dinosaurs and a dude with a big nose… Recommended.

 

Disclaimer: We here at The Fan Can recommend only moderate consumption of alcohol and do not endorse binge drinking. Basically, Matthew Waterhouse will never convince, no matter how pissed you get.

 

 

The Dinosaurs on a Spaceship Drinking Game
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